- "101 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married" by Linda & Charlie Bloom
- December 27th, 2011
Erin and I got this book from her parents as a Christmas gift and we began reading this book as it has really shed a different perspective of marriage that I never really thought about.
We read through the first 14 chapters as they are really short. Reading each chapter had a true life story of either the authors or friends of theirs they knew.
"Love is a stew flavored by a variety of ingredients - sometimes sweet, spice, bitterness, or saltiness and sometimes 'the works'".
This quote really struck home because it is true. Sometimes there is a little bit of everything. A relationship also goes through seasons where Spring always comes after Winter where there can be some harsh Winters. In the long run a relationship is the commitment to each other. The only rules in the relationship are those that both can agree on. These rules can be amended or changed or even discarded depending on how the relationship has progressed. Trust will fluctuate as it does in most relationships.
Another important aspect is to make sure that not only are you striving to make the other person happy, but making yourself happy is the most important. Don't be afraid to share your feelings or discuss matters that may be bothering you. Make sure to always discuss everything and have a 100% open relationship to feelings and criticism.
A relationship is always growing and always changing. Each partner must be willing to go with the changes. Having children is a huge change. There are always discussions about who should stay home with the kids. If the father needs to stay home because the mother makes more money then so be it. If it is the other way around that is fine to. The relationship must do what is best for the relationship not what others think is best for it.
Another HUGE point is not to go and discuss your "dirty laundry" with your friends and family. Remember there are always 2 sides to every story and they are hearing the one side. They are going to be biased because they are your friends and they may give you advise that can damage a relationship completely considering they don't have the full story because friends and family don't really know how to ask questions and look at the broader picture. They are more concerned for your well-being and that may not always be the best thing.
DO NOT CHOOSE A JOB OVER FAMILY. I know there are jobs out there that cause distance due to travel or long work hours. I know there are families that learn to cope with these circumstances, however, if you are away from your family more than you see them a change needs to be made. Find a schedule that works for you. Get consistent days off to be with the family. Also, don't miss out on those important aspects of a child's life when kids are in the picture. First baseball game, dance recitals, plays...etc. It is important to always try to put family first over a job. A job that takes your time from your family is not the best job for you then.
We only live once on this Earth and if we are committing ourselves to a family with kids it is important to give them that time they deserve.
Did you know that you can truly love and hate someone at the same time. Not a love to hate kind of way but literally you can hate the one you love so much but you can't do anything about the hate or resentment you feel because you love them so much. This is specific to someone who is gone all of the time leaving one alone more often then just being there.
Another thing I have learned so far is that infidelity occurs because of temptation. The lack of something sparks an interest in others. It is important that if this is happening to you and you feel that you have this need to sleep with someone else, stop and ask your self what it is that is making you think this way and how can you take those emotions and add them to your current relationship. That spark, that love, that excitement. There is no need to sleep with another, there is only the need to take that interest and spice up your own relationship. Don't let the temptation override the love and respect you have for your lover for instant gratification that in the end is not going to satisfy you at all. It is only going to make things worse. In-fact, it is going to make you be more of a cheater because you will be looking for what you already have.
Lying is never the best option. Always be honest and truthful at all times no matter the situation or the cost/consequences. Personally, I would rather be hurt by the truth than satisfied with lies. At least once I know the truth the healing process will begin.
There is so much more that I will be learning as I continue reading this book. I will continue to share more about it and I hope that it touches you and maybe heals or strengthens your relationships with others, not just a marriage.